You just made me feel so damn special
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
