I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
