shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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