everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
