very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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