WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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