we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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