I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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