I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You pole danced in your parka.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
