she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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