I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
