did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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