they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
