You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
