I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize