Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
