i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize