New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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