I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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