My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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