Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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