i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
