Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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