Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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