Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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