help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize