I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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