I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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