Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
