my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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