birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
