I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
