Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize