is your mom at the bar?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
