Define "chronic" masturbator.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
