I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
how does that bad decision feel?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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