dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
