her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
