is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
