I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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