you guys were way drunker than both of me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
