She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
