Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
