Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
