Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
