Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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