my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
