More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
