When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
