I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
