you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
