Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
