i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
