I accidentally burped into my bong.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
