Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
