they need to just BURY HIM!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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