apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
