so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize