So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize