I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
