actually, I'm a sock model
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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